The Missing
by myonlyheroin
Summary: I've made mistakes. I have regrets, so many regrets. The biggest one being leaving her, losing her. But I will find her, even if I have to climb through Hell to do so. ExB Vamp NM AU Epov
1. Prologue

**So, um, here is something new that I have been sitting on for over a year, working on and afraid to post. I have up to 10 chps pre-written. They will be short, for now. As we get later on in the story they will become longer. I have no set schedule for posting, but I CAN PROMISE that updates will not be longer than 2 weeks at the most. I have up to 3 chapters fully edited/beta'd for this so far. So updates should be fairly quick. I still plan to finish all of my stories. AND there is even one more new one I am working on to post as well. I also have half of AHB's new chapter written already. **

**I do hope you guys enjoy this one. It will be quite a ride. As always, thank you to Darcysmom for betaing and my friends for reading.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the product of their respectable owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. In other words, SM created twilight, I just played around in it. No copyright infringement intended.**

**~.~.~.~**

**Prologue:**

Something was missing.

I couldn't place it. It felt like everything in me had shifted. Nothing felt the same anymore. _I _wasn't the same anymore.

I used to be able to feel her, even when we were far apart. But something has changed. I feel nothing, no tingle, no spark.

Complete emptiness swallowed me whole.

A blackness took over what was once filled with light.

Absolutely empty.

I used to have so much to live for, but I left that all behind.

She was my reason, my light, and dare I say it even my soul. And yet knowing that, I still left her behind.

And for what? Keeping her safe? Proving that I could possibly love her more than she could ever love me? That life is worth living if you are only half living it?

Mistakes, nothing but mistakes.

Yet here I am, searching for the one thing that shined a bright light into my dark existence.

But she was nowhere to be found.

Instead of those fateful words I said to her that day in the forest. "It will be as if I never existed." But I am existing, only now, it is her that ceases to exist.

She was one of the missing.

**~.~.~.~****  
**

**As always, I look forward to your thoughts! Thank you very much for taking the time to read. **


	2. Chapter 1

**Here is one more chapter for tonight. I will maybe post two more chapters tomorrow, and then it will be a wait for a few days until I get some more beta'd chapters back. **

**As always, thank you to Darcy'smom for betaing, and my friends (they know who they are) for reading. **

**I do hope you like this one. **

**~.~.~.~**

**Chapter 1-**

The smell wasn't right. It's never right, not anymore.

I don't like the smell of dust settling on old moldy wood along with stale air.

I've lost track of the days since I left her. I can't remember the last time I fed or even looked out the window that peered down on to the city below.

The attic was my burial ground. Nothing but old memories, hallucinations, and the stench of failure.

I had nothing, was nothing.

The small piece of fabric I had, that had long carried her scent had dried up. It offers nothing to me now. It was useless, just like me. I laid there, not moving while I thought of her – remembered her and what we used to be.

My nights held such promise while I lay next to her as she dreamed of our future, the meadow and maybe, if I am allowed to wish, she dreamed of everything I fantasized about but could never do with her.

At least her dreams could allow her that.

I closed my eyes for the briefest of moments and succumbed to the silence that filled the air. I tried my hardest to remember her heart beat, how it would always skip a bit whenever I smiled at her, ran my finger across her cheek and down her neck. How she would suck in a quick breath when I moved closer as my lips would touch hers.

I realized that was when everything was perfect, it was our heaven.

My throat flared with hunger as my stomach twisted in pain, and yet I still made no move to hunt. I saw no purpose in doing so.

Nothing satisfied me.

The light began to dim, and shadows took residence along the attic walls. I begged my vampire brain to allow me to dream with the hopes that maybe I would turn to ash and just be blown away with some wind that came from somewhere. Hopefully that same wind would take me home to her and let me bask in her light and love, touches and caresses. Just let me have what I had once had before.

I moved my head to the right, staring at the wall as the light outside dimmed even more. I could stare for hours and not move. But for the briefest of moments I was brought back to a time in our meadow, her finger traced my lips as she looked down at me, smiling. "I love you, Edward," she whispered as she nuzzled her head into the crook of my neck, and I breathed her in like she was my air, water, the blood I needed in order to survive. I breathed her in so deep, almost like it was my last day on earth.

In a way I suppose it was. I left in the end after all.

The attic grew darker, the silence more penetrating than before.

Loneliness is such an ugly thing.

**~.~.~.~.~**

**I want to thank you guys for all of the follows and favorites so far. They've really made my day! **

**Thank you for taking the time to read. I look forward to your thoughts. **

**Oh, and, If you'd like you can follow me on twitter myheroin1**


	3. Chapter 2

**Another update, and then I have one more before I need to wait on chapters back, so I do hope you will stick around. The wait shouldn't be long. I've sent another 5 off to be beta'd have another 5 written. AND almost finished with another chapter for AHB.**

**As always thank you to Darcysmom for betaing, and my friends (they know who they are) for reading and encouraging me with this. **

**I do hope you enjoy.**

**~.~.~.~.~**

**Chapter 2-**

I looked up at the ceiling, watching dust particles dance around in the early evening light.

Time was irrelevant to me. It passed slowly, changing everything in its path, while I laid there, unchanging, unmoving.

The same, I was always the same.

The dust particle fell on my cheek. I made no move to wipe it off.

My thumb rubbed across the fabric I took from her. My mind wandered once again.

_We were lying on her bed, her body tucked into mine, her hand running slowly across my chest. Her eyes were closed, and she's breathing in deeply, her heart beat a delicious cadence thrumming through my ears._

_My fingers ran through her hair, letting the curls wrap around my fingers as I reached the ends. I let out a sigh, smiling as I looked down at her and wondered just how I got so damn lucky to have this creature, this wonderful creature by my side. _

_She tilts her head up to kiss my check, making her way towards my lips. It's a soft kiss, but one full of love. Our lips moved together, slowly, careful not to let it go deeper than it should. _

_Her fingers ran through my hair as I tried my damndest to not let the purr that was building break free. I had to keep a tight leash on my control. But I was more afraid of how she would react if she heard it. _

_Our kiss slowed to soft pecks. And I breathed in deeply, letting her freesia filled scent cascade into my lungs. _

_Bliss. This was bliss._

_She let out a long sigh, turning over, her back now facing me._

_I moved closer, holding her tighter and kissed her neck softly as she drifted off to sleep and her heartbeat began to slow._

"_oh, my Bella. I will always love you, and you will always be mine. Always," I whispered, making her a silent vow._

Iwas jerked from my memories when a soft heart beat penetrated my ears. My eyes first searched the ceiling, then the walls and lastly the floors. Over by the far wall, the one with a window, a rat scurried across the floor, looking for a nibble of something to eat.

I made no move.

Venom filled my mouth as I heard the small creature's blood pulse through its veins. It's not a cougar, but it would have to do.

I closed my eyes, focusing on the tiny footfalls as they came closer.

My fingers twitched as I felt its whiskers brushed my fingertips, and then I grab. I snapped the small rats neck, bringing it up to my cracked lips, and drank. The warm, sweet liquid slid down my throat. I gasped as I drank the last drop.

It's not much, but at that moment, it was enough.

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

**I hope you enjoyed this update. I will post another later tonight. And then it will be a little wait for more chaps, but shouldn't be long. Once I have those I will try and update once a day. Thank you for taking the time to read. I look forward to your thoughts.**

**Thank you for all the favorites, follows, and reviews. **

**You can also find me on twitter myheroin1 if you'd like.**


	4. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, one last update for a few days. I do hope you will be patient and wait. It shouldn't be a long wait. Once I get more beta'd chapters back, I will be updating once a day. **

**As always, thank you to Darcy'smom for betaing and my friends(they know who they are) for reading and encouraging me. **

**And thank you to all of you who have reviewed, faved, followed this little story of mine. I can't thank you guys enough! **

**Enjoy!**

~.~.~.~.~

I watched the sunlight creep over the ceiling and the moon trade places with it four times now since I drank from the rat. I don't feel different. I'm still hungry, still yearning for something, anything. All the while I still felt hollow, incomplete.

The sun was currently playing hide and seek with the shadows on the ceiling, signaling mid-day. Yet, I still made no move to move.

I closed my eyes, and breathed in deeply, trying to catch a whiff of her scent. Even though I know it was entirely impossible. I tried to conjure up the smell of freesias and strawberries from my memory. I breathed in deeply again, only smelling an old attic with stale air, and my cold, dead heart bottoms out.

I know I brought this on myself. But it hurt. It hurt so much more than the change. I would gladly go through the change again, if I didn't have to feel this, feel myself breaking into a thousand pieces due to loss.

And it's my fault, my stupidity.

A buzzing sound filled the room, and I felt the vibration through my pants pocket.

I refused to answer.

*.*

"_Edward."_

I searched for the voice, but saw nothing.

"_You can't do this to yourself. You need to eat. I need you strong. I need my Edward."_

"Bella?" I called out. _How can she be here? How did she find me?_

"_I love you_." The voice that sounded like Bella's called out.

I laid there for a few moments, staring up at the ceiling as the voice slowly faded away.

The voice had settled something in me. It had moved a piece inside me long set dormant.

I breathed in deeply, finally smelling the air that held a faint scent of freesias and strawberries.

_It's like she was really here._

I felt a twinge in my chest, and realized that I must have been hallucinating, conjuring up what I wanted to hear. I missed her so much that I hallucinated her voice.

The vibrating sound was back again, but this time it didn't let up. It was continuous, and if I am honest, it was getting on my nerves!

It had disrupted my quiet.

My hell.

I reached into my pocket, grabbing the offending phone. I didn't bother to look at the screen, I just answered.

"Whoever this is can quit calling. "

I heard a shaky breath rattle through the phone and then a voice I hadn't heard since the day I left Forks. And with that voice, my resolve shattered.

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**Again, this will be the last update for a few days. I do hope you guys stick around, and I do apologize for the slight cliffy. **

**Looking forward to your thoughts and theories. **

**Thank you for taking the time to read!**


	5. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the wait as well as the cliffy last chapter. I hope the upcoming chapters make it worth it. Cannot wait for your thoughts and maybe theories. A lot of stuff will be happening soon. **

**As always thank you to Darcysmom for betaing, friends for reading. I am still constantly surprised at how much love this little fic has gotten so far. I can't thank you guys enough!**

**Enjoy**

**~.~.~.~.~**

"E-Edward?"

"Edward? C-can you hear me?"

All of the breath left me at once. I never thought I would ever hear _her_ voice again.

Instead of it filling me with the warmth that I always associated with Bella, it only filled me with longing and a stabbing reminder of what I had done, and who I had hurt.

"Bella?"

"Edward, find me. Please find me."

Her breath came out in small pants. I could hear her sniffles, then the line going dead.

I lit up the screen on my cell phone, hoping that there was a number I could call back, luckily, there was.

I pressed send, expecting to hear her answer again. The only voice I heard was a voice telling me that this number was no longer in service.

Had I hallucinated the call, just like I had her voice?

I paced around the room, my mind going a million miles an hour, trying to come up with explanations, reasons.

But something settled in me, and it wasn't good.

Something, deep down, I don't know where exactly was telling me that something wasn't right. Something about that phone call made me feel off. Made me feel responsible. It gave me a purpose. A purpose to move forward. But not on, never on. Just forward.

I paced, and paced some more. My fingers made a mess of my hair, as I tugged and pulled at the strands out of pure frustration

I dialed the number a hundred times, eventually giving up and crushing the offending phone in my hands as I threw the shards of broken plastic at the wall.

And in that moment, something in me settled.

I would do anything, everything possible to find her. I won't stop until I could touch her, smell her, kiss her, hear her voice, and hold her. Hold her and never let her go.

Even with this new found feeling and the start of a plan, there was a hole in my chest telling me that everything was not okay, and that time was of the utmost importance.

I looked down at my clothes and saw nothing but tatters of my shirt and pants that had long since been covered in dirt and stains.

In order to get a move on my new, somewhat thought out plan, I needed to hunt. A proper hunt. And clothes. I was most likely going to have to steal some.

Anything, anything to get to her.

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

**I look forward to your thoughts. Thank you to anyone who favorited/followed/reviewed. **


	6. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! I thought I would give you guys 2 chapters in one this update. You guys have been so good to me, and this little fic of mine. I'm anxious to update. If I had this all written out, I would probably just fling all of the chapters at you guys at once! THAT is how excited I am over this fic. And you guys loving it as much as you are is really making my life right now! :)**

**I must say that all of your guesses, theories and such are making the experience with this fic even better. I will tell you this: I have SO many twists and turns coming up in future chapters! ;)**

**As always, thank you Darcysmom for betaing. **

**So enjoy this double chapter. I can't guarantee it will always be this length. My plan with this fic was to stick with short chapters. But I figured you guys deserve this. **

**Thank you guys for reading, putting in your favorites and following. I honestly can't thank you guys enough!**

**Enjoy!**

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

As I looked around the small attic that I have called home for however long I had been there, I found that I was glad to say goodbye to it. Glad to be done with it, and leave it behind, to leave _that _existence behind and to get back the one I lived before it.

I had to wait for night to fall in order to leave.

No one knew that I was here, and it was better to keep it that way.

Less complications.

As the sky grew darker, I became more fidgety, my patience growing thin.

Once I was sure that no humans were near, I jumped from the window and ran as fast as I could to the forest just outside of the city.

I looked around the trees as I walked, smelling different plants and animals as I went along, waiting for the right smell to catch me.

I needed something big, gamey. A carnivore.

What I needed was a Jaguar, a big cat to satiate my thirst, and hopefully be enough for me so that I could catch a plane to Forks, to my Bella.

As I walked deeper into the forest, a strong, steady heart beat overtook my hearing. The scent that carried over to me was strong, musky, and sweet.

Definitely a big cat.

The predator had now become the hunted.

Once the warm liquid satisfied me, I moved on to my next part of the plan. Clothes.

If only I still had Alice around.

I ran to the opening in the tree line, stopping at the first house I found. I quickly ran in and out, grabbing whatever clothes I could without the occupants waking up.

The button-up shirt was probably a size too small, and the pants too long, but they would have to do until I could hit a store.

I threw my tattered clothes to the ground, out of the way, so no one could find them.

I stood there, becoming more anxious by the second.

I had to hurry- clothes shopping would have to wait.

I quickly made my way to the center of the town, hailing a taxi and demanding to be taken to the nearest international airport in hurried Portuguese, flinging whatever cash I had at the driver as he stepped on the gas.

As the driver pulled up to the curb, dropping me off near the nearest ticket counter, thousands of heartbeats, thoughts, and smells cascaded down on me. It was crushing me. I, sadly, didn't factor in being around humans again after so long.

I approached the ticket counter, asking for the next flight to Seattle as I handed over a credit card to cover the cost.

While the attendant printed the ticket, all I could think about was finding _her._

With the ticket in my hand, I set off to go through security and find my gate. I hadn't even bothered to look at that ticket after she handed it to me. I was afraid to look, afraid to see just how much time had passed.

I was afraid of the truth. I would much rather believe that this was all a dream, an alternate reality, and that none of it was true. That I never left her, or hurt her, that this was all some grand hallucination on my part.

As I sat down the ticket felt heavy in my hand, my eyes glanced down and back up again.

I was a coward. How could something as simple as looking at the date on a ticket be so hard for me to do?

I inhaled, long and deep before flipping over the ticket so that the print side was up facing me.

Would I like what I see?

I hoped it had only been a few days maybe at the most a week since I left, but deep down I knew it was much longer.

Deep down something was unsettled in me. I knew that the date, whatever it may be was going to make things worse, not better.

January 28th, 2006

I exhaled quickly as the ticket fell from my hand.

It couldn't have been that long.

My right hand came up to my chest where my heart should be. I rubbed my chest hard, trying to feel something, anything.

But nothing came.

I was empty, numb.

I picked up the ticket, making sure I read the date right. And again the pang in my chest got worse each time my eyes wandered across the ticket.

I needed to get to her, make things right

I needed her in my arms.

My legs bounced in anticipation and nervousness.

My flight was called to board and I stood up quickly, wanting to get to my seat as fast as I could. At least then I was closer to her, closer to getting to her.

I handed off my ticket, slightly nodding at the attendant as I board.

During the flight I couldn't stop my legs from bouncing, my hand from rubbing my chest, or my fingers from making a mess of my hair.

The guy next to me was convinced I was tweaking on drugs, that something wasn't quite right with me. In that moment I was tempted to break my record of not partaking in human blood. I was on edge, and he was annoying me. I'd rather take it out on him and drain him.

But I won't, I can't. I would be letting Bella down, my family down, myself down.

I had to be good for her, the best man, vampire I could be.

They announced that we were making our descent into Seattle. My fingers itched to unbuckle and hop out of my seat as soon as I could.

I'm closer to her. The same state.

I'm almost there, almost to her.

I could almost smell her, feel her hair between my fingers, her body pressed against mine.

I was so close. And yet I felt so much farther from her than ever before.

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

**I very much look forward to your thoughts! Thank you again for taking the time to read!**


	7. Chapter 6

**Another update. A bit longer than usual. But a lot happens. I hope you guys enjoy! **

**I must say that all of your guesses, theories and such are making the experience with this fic even better. I will tell you this: I have SO many twists and turns coming up in future chapters! ;)**

**As always, thank you Darcysmom for betaing. **

**Thank you guys for reading, putting in your favorites and following. I honestly can't thank you guys enough!**

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

I walked as fast as I could, without drawing too much attention from humans, down the terminal to the rental car agency.

My fingers once again found residence in my hair as the guy working the counter took too long.

I needed the car yesterday.

I regretted breaking my phone in Brazil. I could have called my siblings by now, Alice could have had this settled long before.

I am surprised they are not here to greet me.

Finally, with keys in hand to the fastest car the rental agency had, I was on my way, flying down the freeway towards forks.

I rubbed my chest again, willing myself to feel something, anything.

Cars flew by as I passed them, my foot pressed completely down on the gas pedal. My mind searched for possible speed traps.

But I didn't care about any of that.

The sooner I got to her, the better.

Everything would be better then.

Only when I enter Forks, it wasn't better. Not by a long shot.

Forks looked empty.

There were cars along the road. I passed by the diner that Charlie and Bella would frequent and not a single light was on, no one inside. Cars were parked out side of it though.

I breathed in as deep as I could, hoping to smell a trace of a human. Smells lingered, but they smelled old, faint even.

I drove through the town, turning on to Bella's street, hoping to hear her neighbors in their houses.

Silence, nothing but silence.

I parked the car behind the cruiser.

Leaves covered the hood. It looked like the cruiser hadn't been driven for month, maybe longer.

I walked up to the front door and it was eerily quiet. I didn't hear the heart beat that I wanted and needed to hear.

I knocked, not expecting an answer, just doing it out of politeness.

The door was unlocked. I pushed it open, causing the door to hit the wall behind it.

I smell her, and smell Charlie, but it's faint. It has been probably a month or more since they've set foot in this house.

It burns, but it's not a bad burn anymore.

I welcome the burn, it's a punishment that I need to take.

At least I felt something.

My feet lead me to the kitchen. It's a mess. Dishes strewn about and a sink full of dirty pots and silverware. The fridge is empty. The kitchen cabinets thrown open, as if looked through in a hurry.

I walked back into the living room, Charlie's chair still faced the television and white static had taken over the screen. I couldn't bring myself to shut it off.

I made my way up the stairs, towards her room. The smell was a bit more potent, but still faint.

I placed my hands on the door, afraid to open it.

I know she is not inside, and that kills me.

I was so close, but now I'm even farther away.

My head rests against the door as I breathed in and out in deep, slow breaths, willing myself to open the door.

I hesitate, afraid of the truth.

I stood there, for I don't know how long before I finally opened the door to her room.

I should be shocked by what I found, but I'm not.

Something deep inside of me expected it, knew it even.

Clothes are everywhere, bedding in a mess piled on top of her bed. Books and cd's littered across the floor. Her computer shoved over on its side, the top of her CD player left open, but empty.

I made my way over to the end of her bed, my fingers running across the blankets as my feet came to a stop at the loose floor board.

I needed to look, I needed to see.

Did she look? Does she even know?

I lifted the floor board up as it creaked and groaned as I pulled it up.

Everything was still as I had left it; the picture, cd, plane tickets, everything.

Only one thing I didn't put in there took residence among the items as well.

A folded piece of paper was placed on top of everything.

I opened it carefully, her hurried, messy script glared back at me.

Edward-

I have to believe that you still love me, deep down you just have to. I miss you. I love you beyond all reason. If I am lucky enough and you find this, I only ask you to do one thing for me: FIND ME. THEY are here! They found me. I love you, I will always love you. Please find me.

-Bella

**Thank you guys for reading! I cannot wait for your thoughts and theories! **


	8. Chapter 7

**I seriously can't thank you guys enough for how much love this story has received! I woke up the other morning to finding that TM had surpassed 100 reviews. That makes me ridiculously excited! As well as want to tacklehug each and every one of you! **

**You guys have had so many theories about TM. Anything from zombies, aliens and the Volturi. Sadly, each of those are wrong! *cue evil laugh here * I will say one review has come close on her theory.. and I will drop one more hint: Edward's biggest fear in canon was another vampire hurting her, his world hurting here. Keep that in mind as you read. Fears have scary way of taking over your mind.**

**I also want to thank each and everyone of you who has reviewed. I love every single one of them. I'm afraid if I reply now, I will give everything away. **

**Anyways, thank you to Darcysmom for betaing, and you guys for reading.**

**Enjoy**

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I held her note to my chest, trying to make her words become a part of me as I slowly sit down on the end of her bed. I lost count the number of times I had read it since stumbling across it. I am even more determined to find her. I have to. She has to be out there somewhere. She has to be okay.

The twinge in my chest settled, opening up deeper, forcing me to feel emptier than before. Like I was being ripped in half, my body recognized that its missing a huge part of itself. _Her._

I crawled up to her pillows and lay my head down, inhaling in deep, pulling in traces of her scent as my eyes drifted closed. My hands wandered her bedspread, as if searching for her, expecting her to be there for me to pull her into my body, cradle her, hold her.

All those nights that I watched her sleep came crashing into me. Memories flashed in front of my eyes- the first time I heard her say my name in her sleep, the first time she murmured she loved me in her sleep, the first time she begged me not to stop in her sleep. All those times I had wished I could see her dreams as she dreamed them, and all those nights that I wished with all my might that I could fall asleep beside her, just to wake up with her the next day.

To be human for her.

And every night that a blanket had to separate us due to my being cold. I wished I could be warm enough for her, but the stubborn girl that she was always said she loved my coldness, craved it even.

I burrowed even further into her pillows, not wanting to leave the comfort of her scent. I whispered to the air that I would find her, that I love her, always have.

I reluctantly pulled myself up and off her bed after making my vow. I hoped that where ever she was, she could feel the wight of my vow and knows that I am coming for her.

She has to be alive. That is the only hope that I am allowed.

As I made my way over to her door, dark fabric under her pillow caught my eye. I instantly smelled vampire the moment I lifted the pillow off of the fabric. It smells of me, but another, too. It is an old t-shirt of mine that she must have kept. But now another scent that doesn't belong there has imprinted itself on it.

My worries about Bella skyrocketed.

Another vampire that wasn't me, or my family has been here.

The mantra of Bella is safe, she has to be, flies through my head, but it's doing nothing to quell my worries and fears.

Another vampire.

My Bella.

Another vampire.

My hands ran through my hair, tugging harshly as I raced down the stairs, searching for a plastic bag to put the shirt in.

The house phone rang, I ignored it as I slammed cupboard after cupboard in my search for something to put the shirt in.

I became more and more agitated as the phone continued to ring and I continued to ignore it.

I came across an old plastic bag. I hurriedly stuffed the offending shirt in the bag, tying a knot to close it.

The phone rang again, and something inside me tells me it could be Bella, I needed to answer it.

"What?!"

A soft spoken voice comes across the line that belongs to my sister, Alice. "She's not there, is she?"

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**I hope you guys are continuing to enjoy TM as much as I am writing it. I have one more pre-written chapter after this one. But the good news is I ALMOST have the next 5 to send off to the beta. **

**As always, let me know your thoughts! **


	9. Chapter 8

**A little filler for you guys. The next 3 chps have been sent off to the beta already, and A LOT happens in those ones. So be ready! * winks ***

**I hope you all are still enjoying this story of mine. Your theories really make it worth while, and I hope that I continue to keep you guys guessing. Thank you to each and every one of you who has reviewed, followed or placed this fic on your favorites. I can't thank you guys enough for reading.**

**As always, thank you to Darcysmom for betaing.**

**Enjoy!**

**~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~**

I don't even bother to answer Alice, surely she had to have seen this.

"Surely, you know the answer to that, Alice?"

She let out a broken sob, and my fears plummet even more than they had a few minutes ago.

"I can't see anything of her anymore. It's like deep down I know she has to be somewhere, but she's not there. And it's killing me, Edward. I'm failing to keep my sister safe." Alice whispered as another sob broke through the phone. "I had a feeling a while ago that something was shifting, but I couldn't see anything. I ignored it, and now I regret it."

I have no words for her, no reassurances, because I have none for myself. I sigh, long and slow, my mind racing a mile a minute, the empty feeling in my chest growing bigger as each minute passed.

"I need you all here. Everyone. And I really need Jasper." I said, hurriedly into the phone,

"I know, brother. I've got tickets sorted. Jasper should be there in a few hours. I sent him when I knew you were finally in Forks." I honestly don't know what I would do without her.

I pulled the phone so that it stretched across the kitchen so that I could sit down at the table. "May I speak to Carlisle?"

I hear heavy footfalls in the background.

"Son?"

It's my turn to let out a broken sob. "Dad?" I sighed, "She's not here, no one is here."

Carlisle stopped breathing completely, the phone making the distance from my family even bigger and lonelier.

"What do you mean no one is there? Where is Charlie?" I could hear it in his voice, he knew something was seriously wrong.

"I mean just what I say. Bella and her dad haven't been here, in this house, in a long time. I'm guessing three months, or more. I can still smell Bella, but only where it is highly concentrated. Charlie's scent is completely gone. As I drove in, Carlisle, I saw cars littering the roads, the diner empty, houses with doors completely wide open. No one is here at all. It's like they abandoned the town."

I could hear scratching on paper. Carlisle must be writing all that I've told him. Esme is in the background, yelling commands to the rest of them.

"She left me a note telling me to find her." I choked out. "What if I can't find her, Dad? What if I am too late?"

"Something tells me that my daughter is strong, and that where ever she is, she is hanging on. We WILL find her Edward! This family needs their sister back, we need our daughter back, you need your mate. Search deep inside yourself, Edward. Use your instincts. Bella is your mate, you two are bound. You will find her. Have faith, my son."

I nodded, even though I knew he couldn't see it.

"Jasper should be arriving from what Alice tells me very soon. The rest of us will arrive sometime later tonight. Don't worry about opening up the house, just focus on finding Bella."

"Okay, I will see you soon" I sighed, "I may not tell you this enough, but I do love you, Carlisle. And appreciate everything you have done for me. I'm honored to be your son."

I hung up, the silence engulfing me once more.

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**Look forward to your thoughts. Thank you again for reading, I do hope you enjoyed. **

**And if you'd like, you can find me on twitter: myheroin1**


	10. Chapter 9

**Hopefully the wait wasn't too long for this update, and I really hope you enjoy! I recently outlined the rest of this fic. I am planning about 30 chaps, including the epilogue. So, I hope you guys stick around.**

**As always, thank you to Darcysmom for betaing.**

**Things are about to get more interesting. **

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The sky grew darker as rain pelted the windows. It became colder as I sat and waited. What else could I do?

And then a voice broke through my thoughts: "What the hell happened? About a mile or so out E."

Jasper.

The one person I could blame for all of this, but won't. That rest's on my shoulders. But he is also the one person that can help me the most and find her.

_I only hope he forgives me for causing all of this hurt,_ Jasper thought, just as he walked through Bella's front door

I stood up. My eyes focused on the floor like a chastised child's would as I waited for Jasper to enter the room. I breathed in, exhaling slowly, still looking down at the floor. "It was never your fault, Jasper. I realize that now."

I stood there, frozen, waiting for him to yell at me for tearing our family apart, for leaving Bella, for everything that has happened up until now.

His scent enveloped me as I felt his arms wrap around me in a bone crushing hug. He had never been one to openly display affection, always stayed on the sidelines, soaking in all of our emotions. When it came to letting us know how he felt, he always pushed his out towards us.

The hug he gave me was everything I didn't know I needed in that moment. It could have come from any of them, just as long as it was a hug. I needed someone, anyone to touch me, make me feel like I am really here.

And yet I'm not here, not really. I'm not where I want to be, where I should be

"Edward, we will help you find her and figure this out, okay? This does not all fall on you," he said as he shook me a little. "We all left her, not just you. We are all at fault in some way. I left my sister behind. I almost hurt her. If I could take back that night, I would. Just for you and her, okay, just for you and her."

I finally got the guts to look up at him. He'd changed since I last saw him all those months ago. He seemed older, weary- Like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. But his eyes are bright, like he had just recently fed. I hugged him back, thanking him for coming.

"Now, what is that on the table?" He asked, pointing to the bag that held the fabric in it. I gave it to him, telling him my suspicions.

"Edward, the only scent I get from this shirt is Bella, nothing and no one else. Just Bella."

I shake my head. He had to be wrong. I knew what I smelt, and I knew that the vampire scent was attached to it wasn't from me.

"You are wrong, Jasper. I know that I smelled another."

"You have so much going on right now, Edward. You are not thinking clearly. Why don't we sit down, and talk this out. Try and think where she could be, and what exactly happened to this town.

I nodded and sat down at the table, my fingers drumming on the table top.

Jasper let out a long exhale as he rolled his sleeves up his arms before sitting down. "What made you come back to Forks? Why now?"

Alice had to have let him know. Had she really not seen anything?

I tugged at my hair as I remembered the phone call and her voice breaking me apart.

"She called me, said I needed to find her." I sighed. "I tried to call back the number, but it said it was no longer in service. I may have crushed my phone after that."

Jasper looked at me, head cocked to the side. "How could the phone had been disconnected that fast? Something isn't adding up here, Edward."

I start to become more agitated as I stood up quickly from my seat and began to pace back and forth in the kitchen.

"I'm not saying you are wrong, Edward, I just want to get all of the facts and go from there. Okay? Are you okay with that?" Jasper asked, his hands coming up in surrender. "Why don't we start off by getting your phone records? I have a laptop left back at the house, why don't we go over there now? I don't think there is much more we can do here at Bella's right now.

Jasper grabbed the bag with the shirt, while I made sure I had her note in my pocket. I locked the front door, feeling like it was something I should do. The next time this door opened, it would be because Bella unlocked it herself.

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**I can't thank you guys enough for reading, reviewing, following and placing this little fic of mine on favorites. **

**I look forward to your thoughts.**


	11. Chapter 10

**Hello, Everyone! I hope that Everyone that celebrates it had a great Thanksgiving! I also want to wish a Happy Hanukkah to those that celebrate that as well. **

**Thank you to Darcysmom for betaing, and to you guys for reading! It means a lot to me.**

**Well, I won't keep you guys waiting. I'll see you guys at the bottom.**

**Enjoy!**

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We ran all the way to the house, slowing down as we came up to the drive way, the gravel crunching under our feet. It felt weird being back here. Odd. Ever since that first day I saw Bella, I had always thought of the Fork's house as home, but now, being back here after everything, It didn't feel so much like home anymore. Looking at the house, it felt empty. Missing light and family. But most importantly love.

I didn't want to believe it before, but I think now I knew that it was Bella all along. She was the one that made everything better.

She made that house a home for me. She made me feel whole, even though most of the time I didn't think I deserved it.

Carlisle often pondered if she was our missing piece, if she was the one that held the family together. And I think now, looking back on all those months with her, I think she was. She brought our family closer maybe and made us happier, even Rose. Though, she will never admit that. I caught glimpses in her mind from time to time of good thoughts towards Bella.

The moment I chose to leave was the moment the family fell apart. I tore every one apart. I cut the strings that held all of us together.

Bella made that big of an impact on all of us. I didn't realize it until now.

And that right there, that realization, makes me wonder just how much I took for granted when I was with her.

It breaks me, shatters me to pieces.

I took her for granted.

Another regret to add to my list.

I threw her love back at her, didn't accept the precious gift she was giving me.

Another regret to add to my list.

I took every kiss, touch, caress from her and threw them all back in her face each and every time I refused her more.

Another regret to add to my list.

I am sure there will be many more regrets. I know I have so many more waiting to crawl up out of me. So many more.

Jasper opened the front door, the smell of dust and stagnant air assaulted us as we walked in to a scene of furniture covered in white sheets.

And I am hit with memories, memories of her being happy here. Of her embracing Esme, talking to Carlisle, laughing with Alice, playing around with Emmett, and trying to get Rose to talk to her.

But then I remember her birthday, me flinging her into the wall, the blood dripping down her arm, and then me holding Jasper back and my heart breaking. Because I knew, I just knew I would have to be the one to walk away.

I think deep down I also knew that despite me feeling I was doing what was best, I was making a monumental mistake.

We took our time uncovering the furniture and opening up the house. It was eerily quiet, and honestly not the same.

I missed her. I missed her so fucking much!

A sob escaped me as I fell to the ground, my knees hitting the floor hard, and all I could hear was Jasper's voice fading out.

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**The Missing was reviewed on Bookishtemptations this morning, and allthingsHHH wrote a lovely review! It made my morning, really. **

**Also, The lovely Einfach_Mich made TM a really nice banner. For those that want to see it, I will be posting it on my twitter, which you can follow myheroin1. (I occasionally will post tiny teasers there, too.)**

**Thank you all for reading. I look forward to your thoughts!**


	12. Chapter 11

**Hello, lovely readers! Another update for you guys, but just so you know, because of Thanksgiving and my three boys keeping me busy this weekend, I am behind writing future chps. But I plan to write all day today. Shouldn't be a long wait at all for chps, a few days at the most. As soon as my poor beta can get the back to me. So I hope you all will be patient. **

**As always thanks to Darcysmom for betaing, and all of you guys for reading, putting it in your favorites and following this little story of mine.**

**Enjoy.**

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"Edward! Come on, man! Edward!"

I could feel Jasper shaking me. I wanted to lay there and not move. I wanted the world to swallow me whole.

I felt so lost. The feeling was pulling me down, crushing me.

I needed and wanted her. Bella always made everything better. She always knew when to back off, or when I needed more of her.

She could read me so well.

Why hadn't I read her, took my time with her like a good book? Why didn't I learn her inside out like she did me?

Why did I doubt her, when she never doubted me?

"Come on, Edward. You are not going to find her by lying on the floor. Time is of the essence. Get up!"

I blinked slowly, my eyes looking around the room. I knew Jasper was right, but I couldn't help but feel helpless. Like no matter what I did, I wouldn't get the results that I wanted.

It scared me, but at the same time pushed me forward.

"You're right. This isn't doing any good. Let's get on those phone records, yeah?"

"Yes. I know this isn't easy, Edward. And to be honest, you are scaring the shit out of me! But Bella means something to me, too. I want to find her just like you. She's family."

In no time, Jasper had his laptop in front of him, already hacking into the family's cell phone records to get to mine, while I started writing down a plan of attack - a to-do list of sorts.

I needed to canvass the town, see if anyone survived. Hopefully I would be able to pinpoint when everyone left, and who made them leave. I also needed to find out about the Wolves. Was La Push spared? If it was, why was Forks hit? I needed to visit the High School, maybe get a hold of some of the records that way. And lastly, I needed to check out the police station and Charlie's desk and hope that it had clues as to what happened.

I wrote my list as I listened to Jasper typing away, as fast as he could. He could usually find anything he wanted or needed. I hoped that whatever he found would be good news.

While I waited for him to gain access to my phone records, I stared out of the window. It's gray out, no sunshine, with a soft fog rolling in. And I couldn't help but wonder where she was, who she was with, what she was doing. Was she hurt? Okay? Happy? Sad? She consumed me.

Jasper's phone chirped with an incoming message. "Alice says that they will be arriving in Seattle in a little over three hours from now. They won't be here at the house until close to midnight most likely."

I nodded, showing him I heard him as I continued to look out the window. The fog had grown thicker, my gut tying into more complicated knots.

Who knew a vampire could feel so anxious.

I no longer heard Jasper's laptop keys clacking away. Completely silent - except for one thing, his voice penetrating my head.

"_Edward...I have your records"_

I turned my head to look at him, urging him with my eyes to go on as I watched him wring his hands together, his repeated, unnecessary swallows, and the worried look in his eyes.

"According to your phone records, you haven't received an incoming call on your phone in the months you have been gone. There is only one outgoing call on your phone, and that was the one you made to Bella's cell phone."

I wanted to run, run far, far away from here.

I wanted everything to be okay again. I wanted to be able to hold her and not feel like I was losing it.

I needed her to tell me that everything was going to be okay, that I am okay, she's okay, that we are all okay.

I swallow, my stomach feeling like I had nothing but rocks in it. I stood up, exhaling slowly before running out of the front door, the cold air shocking my lungs, making me feel even more vulnerable.

I didn't get far before something shiny and rectangular caught my eye on the path leading to the river behind the house. I picked it up, and recognized it immediately.

It's Bella's cell phone

I powered it up, there was a bit of battery left, not much, but enough to enable me to look through her call list.

And Jasper was right, no outgoing call to me.

Despair engulfed me as I sank to the forest floor.

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So..another little piece to the puzzle. I am anxious to see how you all react to this one. Please be patient with me, it shouldn't be a long wait for upcoming chps, a few days at the most. I have outlined to about 30 chapters, plus an epilogue.

Thank you for reading!


	13. Chapter 12

**Sorry for the long wait in between updates, but hopefully this somewhat of a long chapter makes up for it. A lot happens. This chapter is kind of my little ode to New Moon and that spot he left her in. **

**As always, thank you to Darcysmom for betaing, and livieliv79 for reading over a few chapters and reassuring me about a few things. **

**Enjoy! **

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I clutched her phone to my chest and closed my eyes, wishing with all my might that her call log would change and show she had called me. Maybe then I wouldn't feel as if I was losing my mind, my grip on reality. I opened my eyes, exhaled slowly, and looked at her phone again. Nothing had changed. It still showed only my incoming call.

I stood up and began to walk as I tucked her phone into my pocket, my hands running over it to make sure it was there. I had no plans of where I was going. The leaves crunched under my feet as I kept walking, not paying attention to where I was going. The deeper I got into the forest, the more I felt like the world was placing all its weight on my shoulders, bearing down and suffocating me with all my worries, doubts and fears.

And still I walked until I reached that spot.

The spot that had changed everything. That broke everything.

I lay down in the last spot I saw Bella. The last spot I ever spoke to her, and allowed the memories to engulf me, torture me.

Everything I said to her that day came rushing back. The brokenhearted look on her face flashed in my mind, staying there, reminding me that I pushed something so incredibly precious away.

_You don't want me anymore? Her voice broke as she looked up at me, her hand clutched to her chest._

A choked sob escaped me. _Oh, baby girl, I will always want you, love you, need you._ I clutched my chest as I resolved to bring her back to this place, to make a memory that doesn't break us both.

As I lay there staring at the sky, I watched the sun slowly dip further down into the sky as dusk descended and the stars began to shine and fill up the night sky.

Guilt filled me as I lay there, counting stars. Guilt for not getting up and doing something, looking for her. But I honestly didn't know where to start. I had nothing to go on, no clues where to start. Helplessness began to take over the guilt. I was stuck. I couldn't do anything, while God only knows what was happening to her.

_Son? _Carlisle's voice invaded my mind and I bolted upright as fast as I could. I watched him walk up the same path as I had to get here. His steps were cautious as he moved closer. I hadn't seen him since the day I made everyone leave.

"It's nice to see you, son, it's been too long." I nodded at Carlisle, my eyes focusing on the ground as I continued to pick at the leaves that surrounded me.

"I know," I whispered, knowing he could he hear me. "You'll never know how sorry I am. How much I regret everything." I sighed. "I broke it all, Dad. Her, me, our family." I grabbed a fistful of leaves, crushing them to fine powder.

"Son, you can't shoulder everything. Even if it was your choice, your reaction, that brought on most of this. I still chose to side with you. We all did. I left my daughter, knowing in the back of my mind it was a mistake, that we shouldn't leave her. But I trusted you. I love you. You do so much for us, Edward, I couldn't go against you. But, I won't lie, it hurt leaving her behind," Carlisle said, sitting down beside me, his arm around my shoulders, pulling me against him.

"For so long, Edward, I sat back and watched you be alone. Then Bella came along and took away all of your gray clouds. She brightened everything with her sun. She brightened everything for all of us, and we all took that for granted. Edward, it was so hard for me and Esme to walk away from her. I can't imagine the heartbreak it was for you," he said as a sob escaped me.

I couldn't say anything in return. It hurt too much.

"I know you regret it, Edward. I can see it in your eyes, the way you carry yourself. We will find her. We have to. And once we do find her, she is never leaving our sight ever again. She's stuck with us forever, Edward. And I do mean forever. If I have to be the one to change her, then so be it!"

His anger startled me, and took me by surprise. I snarled at the mention of her change, then let out a quiet whimper, hoping that she hadn't been changed already. It was selfish of me, but I wanted it to be my venom in her veins if she was ever changed. I never wanted to let myself admit it, until now.

Carlisle slapped me on the shoulder. "Look, right now, let's focus on bringing her back home, instead of regrets and the past. Let's focus on this. Everyone else is back at the house waiting for us. We can go from there."

"Before we head back, there is just one more thing I want you to know. If we don't find her," I said. "If we don't find her, I plan to go to Volterra and ask them to end my existence. I know it's selfish of me, Dad, but I simply can't exist in a world where she ceases to exist. I belong with her."

"Don't talk like that! I won't allow it! And we will find her! I will never let you go there!" Carlisle grabbed a hold of me, holding me tightly as he whispered over and over that he would never allow it.

We stood up, brushing the leaves from our clothes before we both took off in a fast run back to the house. I didn't even make it past our property line before I was tackled by Esme, which caused us to slide along the ground.

"You! I love you, but you made me leave my daughter! I don't want to be mad, I want to hold you and tell you everything is okay. I am thankful you are back, but I hate the repercussions of us leaving. So, when we find my daughter, Edward, you better make everything perfect again," She yelled, slamming me back down on to the ground as dry sobs escaped her. "I hurt, Edward. I miss her, I miss you," she whispered, standing up to walk towards Carlisle.

I was shocked, never have I seen Esme so mad, and at me no less. It was usually Emmett that earned her wrath.

We made our way into the house. I noticed Alice first, she looked so weary, so lost. I walked up to her slowly, cautiously, before wrapping my arms around her and grabbing my dear sister into a hug. Dry sobs wracked her body.

"I can't see anything, and being here now, I feel even more lost. I'm useless, Edward!" She whispered against my chest as I continued to hold her.

Emmett came into my view, standing behind Alice. "You should never have left her, Edward! She's small, she can't protect herself! And now this?! As her big brother, I'm supposed to make sure she never gets hurt! Now, who knows where she is!" Emmett stared me down, before punching a wall and walking out of the house, the door slamming after him. A few minutes later we heard a loud cracking sound as a tree fell as Emmett screamed expletives into the night air.

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**I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I look forward to your thoughts. **

**I can't thank you guys enough for reading and enjoying this little story of mine.**


	14. Chapter 13

**Another longish update. And you guys get an answer in this one. It may not be one you are expecting or wanting, but it is something. **

**As always thank you darcysmom for beating, and the helpful comments from livieliv79. **

**I also want to thank you guys for reading this and enjoying it. If I stick with my outline we have 16 more chapters left, give or take, and an epilogue. **

**Enjoy!**

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When I first made the decision to leave Bella, I never expected my family would take it the way they did. I didn't think it would impact them. I expected them to move on and forget her. I should have known better. She wormed her way into all of their hearts, even Rose's.

I should have listened when they begged me to stay. I should have held Alice's vision of her as one of us closer to my dead heart, knowing that she would be one of us, knowing that it was fate – meant to be.

I had yet to hear from one last family member. I was sure she'd let me know how mad she was, how she hated all of this.

Rose stood by the window, arms crossed as she looked at me with one eyebrow raised, as if waiting for me to say something first.

"Just give it to me, Rose, I know you want to." I said, as I watched her walk up to me as she shouted at me in my head for making Emmett mad. We stood toe to toe, her voice filling my head so completely that I didn't see her hand coming up to slap me until my head jerked to the side, her hand causing a slight crack on the side of my face.

"As much as I hate Bella, as much as I never wanted her to be here, or a part of our family, as much as I don't want her to ever be changed, I can't help but feel sorry for her right now. You handled this all wrong." _If only you really knew the whole story. _I thought as I looked into Rose's eyes, anger flashed brightly. "I know you wanted to protect her, but this was such a douche move on your part! A weak, ass move, Edward! Even I know she deserved better!" Rose huffed at me, before sitting down, waiting for Emmett to return.

I knew that I deserved all of this and more. I deserved to be punished, hated, yelled at. I thought that my family taking it out on me, letting me know how mad they are with me would make me feel better, but it didn't. It made me feel worse and was another reminder of how badly I had fucked up everything.

Once my family returned to the room, I made the choice to tell them all what exactly happened that day. As I told them what I said, what she said, and how I watched Bella walk further into the forest in the hopes of catching up to me, and stopping me. My head hung low as I prepared myself for my family to get mad at me once again. But instead of yells, I only heard dry sobs.

"You asshole!" Esme and Alice both whispered under their breath.

"Son," Carlisle sighed, "How could you? I know you are a better man than that."

It was Carlisle's words that pierced through me, halting my breath. I knew it then when those words escaped me that it wasn't me, that I was going against everything I believed in, but my belief of it being for her safety overrode everything else.

Jasper, being the calm one, stood up, placing papers all along coffee table. "Well, let's get started, time to move on and find her."

We outlined our plans and settled on going back to Bella's house first.

"I am not helping you find her. I don't see why I should have to. I am not the one that made the choice to leave, this isn't my fault. You can count me out." Rose said, all the while looking at her nails as if they were the most interesting thing ever.

Carlisle looked over at her furiously. "You will help. She's family. Now, go get the cars started so we can go. I don't want to hear another complaint out of you.

It took two cars, Carlisle's Mercedes pulled up to Bella's house first. Carlisle, Esme and Emmett, and Rose got out of the Mercedes as Alice, Jasper, and I stepped out of my Volvo.

Carlisle, Esme and Alice and I all walked into the house as the rest searched around the house and the surrounding forest. Carlisle and Esme took the downstairs area as Alice and I headed upstairs to continue our search.

Alice veered off towards Charlie's room, while I made my way back into Bella's room. The last time I was in this room, I only searched her room, only looked for what I could see that was in plain sight. I noticed her closet door was open just a little, so I decided to start there first.

A large trash bag over took a majority of the space in the closet, and looked like it hadn't been moved in months. I quickly opened it, finding the radio that Emmett and Rose had given to her for her birthday, her CD's and a majority of her books. I slumped down to the floor. _Oh, just what have I done to you, sweet girl. I completely ruined you, didn't I?_

_Fuck! Edward, you need to come outside right now! _Emmett shouted in my head. I ran down the stairs, and out into the back yard. Jasper and Emmett stood just outside of the shed.

I was tugging frantically at my hair, hoping that it wasn't Bella that they had found.

Jasper grabbed my shoulders, shaking me a little. "Relax, Edward, it's not her. It's not her, okay?"

I nodded, showing I understood. Emmett swung the door open and I was hit with the scent that could only be that of the wolves from the reservation in La Push. I saw pieces of Russet colored fur leading into the shed, and then a huge wolf taking up the remaining space, not breathing or moving.

Emmett flung a hand full of greyish colored fur. "We found this along the property line, leading into the forest.

As much as I was worried about Bella, and now with what we found with the wolves, I couldn't help but be a little bit glad that we had a piece of the puzzle in place and now knew why Alice hadn't been able to see anything.

That gave me a little bit of comfort, not much, but for now it was enough to help.

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**Well, I am very anxious for your thoughts! I hope you liked, and are happy with one of the answers you now have in this little puzzle of ours. **

**Thank you for reading! **


	15. Chapter 14

**I don't know why, but I am continually shocked by how much love this story gets. And how much you all are enjoying it. I think I had to do a double take when I saw that The Missing had hit over 2.75k views! It honestly means a lot to me that you guys are enjoying this little ride with me. **

**As always thank you to darcysmom for betaing, livieliv79 for her comments and reassurances. **

**Enjoy!**

**~.~.~.~.~.~.~**

My hands smelled like wolf as I dropped the fur onto the ground. One dead wolf, and I knew the pack had others. My mind rushed with thoughts about who could have killed that wolf, and how they could have killed it. My gut became more twisted as my worries about the wolf's demise brought on more worries about Bella. If they were killed, What's to say they, whoever did this, wouldn't hurt her?

"Okay, Emmett, Jasper and I will make our way to the boundary line of La Push." I said, looking at Alice. " You-" I pointed at Alice, "will stay here with Esme and Carlisle and look at the house some more and anywhere else you can think of. We will call you if anything comes up. You guys do the same."

The three of us ran, and in no time we were at the border. It took us walking down the border line a little before we noticed anything of significance. What we saw proved that La Push was spared, that whatever had happened in Forks didn't spread. It seemed it was only the wolves that were missing from La Push. I watched on as I saw people coming and going, cars moving along roads, houses occupied.

I couldn't help but wonder if the people of La Push were aware of Fork's demise, of their own wolves' demise.

The wind shifted, bringing a sweet, freesia filled scent along with it. I breathed in deeply, it was a small hint, but it was something, it was enough to send me off into a sprint to the source of the smell.

I could hear Jasper and Emmett yelling for me to slow down as I continued to run. They cautioned me to not cross the boundary line, but I couldn't help it. The scent was taking me where ever it was taking me. I was powerless to stop it. Each inhale of the scent pushed me further along the boundary until we came to the cliffs.

The wind shifted again, making me lose the scent that brought me here in the first place. My eyes searched the trees, the ground, anywhere I could look and I still didn't find the source of the smell.

The wind shifted once more, the scent smelling so close to me. My feet dragged me to the cliffs edge, to a small tree that hung over the side. A small, black hair scrunchie was snagged on the tree, a few strands of hair were blowing in the wind.

I stood up, bringing the hair thing up to my face, inhaling the smell.

_Bella! _I know it's her. The color of the hair strands, the strawberry/freesia smell that permeates the hair thing. It's her!

I wrapped the hair thing around my wrist, even with the strands of hair still stuck in it as I called Carlisle's phone and my brothers look at me with worried looks plastered upon their faces.

It rang once before Carlisle answered. I didn't give him a chance to say anything before I was telling him what we found. He was surprised about La Push, but grateful that no one else was missing, but it was finding Bella's hair tie that had him shaken. He demanded we return to Bella's house.

I checked my pockets before we set to run off again, making sure I still had her phone, her note, and now her hair scrunchie. We ran, cutting through the forest and passing the path that lead to our house as we veered left to head on to Bella's.

We were about a mile away from her house, before we stumbled across another wolf body. This time the wolf was a gray one, and huge one at that.

Wolf hair was strewn about on the ground.

Carlisle was waiting for us as we made our way out of the tree line.

"Well, we searched the house top to bottom. We didn't find much else. Except we noticed that the last piece of mail was dated October 17th of last year. So this town shut down roughly almost three months ago."

He didn't have to say it. I knew what he was thinking. The length of time had been too long.

Hope was fading.

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**I'm going into hiding now.**

**I do look forward to all of your thoughts. Thank you for reading, putting this in your favorites and following. **


	16. Chapter 15

**Hello! Sorry for the long wait, guys. My beta has been under the weather, but she is feeling better and was able to get this back to me. I can't thank her enough.**

**As always thank you to Darcys mom, angelyCdevil for encouragement in this chapter and upcoming chapters. **

**I do hope you enjoy! **

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I wanted to still have hope. I needed something to cling to when everything I had hope for was beginning to unravel, falling apart piece by piece with no end in sight. And no Bella.

Nothing. Empty. Cold.

As I looked at Carlisle and the rest of the family, the harder it was to hang on to that last thread of hope. They were a reminder of what I willingly pushed away and walked away from. They were a reminder of my regrets and broken promises, and sacrifices that I had forced them to make. And yet they were here, still standing by my side, when so many times I had left them when it all got to be too tough.

I sank to the ground, the earth cracked apart, lines like the fissures in my heart began to show the harder I pounded. I took out my aggression, fears and pain on the surrounding ground while hurt and soft tendrils of hope clung tightly to me.

"Edward, son, you know she's out there. She has to be. Your soul knows, deep down, it knows." I wanted to scoff at Carlisle's mention of souls. I didn't consider myself to have a soul. Not yet, not until I found her. She was my soul. She was home.

I curled up on the cold ground, ignoring my family as I sunk my hands into my pockets, thumbing the hair tie, the note and her phone. The only connections I had left of her. I brought the tie up to my face, sniffing it to get any trace of her scent that lingered, as I closed my eyes, trying not to let the memories of her sweet face, voice and kisses engulf me again.

I brought the note up, my finger tracing over every word that she had written. My fingers slowly moved over the grain of the paper and the ink as I read her words over and over until it was snatched out of my hand and I jumped up in alarm. I was too lost in my own thoughts to even consider Jasper and his thoughts and movements.

"What is this? Why have you not shown us this yet, Edward?" Jasper said, his voice rising.

"I didn't think it was important, it's just a note, and I wanted to keep it to myself. It is the one true thing left from her. It said pretty much the same as the phone call had. Well, the phone call that I guess never really happened." I rambled as I tugged at my hair, my other hand rubbed my chest.

"Edward, what do you think this note says?

"That they came, and to find her." I said, before I snatched the note back and held it close to my chest.

"No, Edward, no." Jasper grasped my shoulders, turning me to face him. "It isn't her hand writing, doesn't even look feminine at all, and very rushed. It does say find her, but this wasn't written by her, at all." _The hurt and heartbreak I feel coming from him. The blackness. I want to make this all better. But It's becoming too much. "_I'm sorry, Edward. I am so sorry."

I shook my head, not at all wanting to allow that bit of information to sink in. I brought the note back up to my face, my fingers caressed the paper just as I had before Jasper snatched it from me. I could have sworn it was her handwriting. I knew her handwriting, the way she wrote her e's, and l's. The way she slanted her writing just a tad, and how hard she pushed down on the paper as she wrote. Jasper was right, though. It wasn't her writing. I don't even know whose it is. _ And yet another let down._

I went over everything that I found, and that has happened over the last few days. My chest felt like a big hole had taken over. I couldn't focus. It hurt to be told that yet another thing that I believed to be true, simply wasn't. _I'm losing it. _

A sob ripped from me as I balled the piece of paper in my hand and rocked back and forth on my feet. _Why can't they see what I see? I could have sworn it was her handwriting. Why? Oh, Bella..._

"Edward, come on, let's go inside. Surely, we can talk about this, work through this. I am sure there is an explanation for it." Carlisle urged, grasping my arm, pulling me up to stand.

I wanted to run away, smash every tree, every boulder in my sight. I wanted to break everything, just like everything was breaking me. The thoughts of possibly never finding her again were taking over. All of my worries and doubts poured out. I wanted to push them away. Ignore them. Run.

I stood up and flung the hair tie at Jasper, and sneered, "Are you going to tell me that this isn't real, either? That it isn't hers? That I don't smell her scent?"

Jasper tried to send waves of calm my way, but I wouldn't allow it through. "Well, Jasper? Any more theories? Can you take away more of what little hope I had? If you want to ruin me, can you please just hit me with the finishing blow?" I said, desperation coated my voice as I fell to the ground again as more sobs came from deep within my chest.

Even as my family looked on, I felt lonely, like I didn't deserve to be there with them, not without her. I looked up to the sky and noticed it had begun to rain. I closed my eyes, letting the droplets slowly fall upon my face as I whispered more so to myself than anyone else, "It's not fair. It's not fair that I am here, and she is nowhere. It's not fair that I feel empty. It's not fair that I can't have her in my arms right now, and have her tell me that it is all okay. It's just not fair."

I felt Carlisle's arms wrap tightly around me, holding me in place as he whispered over and over that it was okay. That Bella had to be okay. He continued to hold me as he told me of the first time I brought Bella home to meet them, how proud he was of me. How he could see the love I had for her even then.

As Carlisle's words sunk in, seeds of hope had begun to plant themselves inside me. They were small, but there deep down slowly spreading roots throughout me. I knew somehow, someway, I'd get my resolution.

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**As always I look forward to your thoughts.**

**I can't thank you guys enough for reading, placing this on your favorites, following and reviewing. It truly means a lot to me.**

**I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!**


	17. Chapter 16

**Hello, again! I hope you all had a very happy start to the New Year! I hope 2014 brings nothing but positive things for you guys! **

**I have been spending a lot of time writing, and should have this completely wrapped up in ten more chapters give or take and an epilogue. It's almost completely written, too. **

**As always, thank you to Darcysmom for betaing, and Nikki for her comments. **

**I hope you guys enjoy.**

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It was awhile later that I eventually made my way into the house and joined the rest of my family. Carlisle had rejoined them awhile earlier. They were scattered about the living room, looking at papers, and based on their conversations with one another, trying to form a plan.

I was not sure how long I stood there, before I finally announced my presence. "Why don't you guys care?"

"What, son? Care about what? We care about you and finding Bella, that is all that we need to focus on right now." Carlisle said, looking at me with an odd look on his face.

"The wolves. Why don't you care more about them? You guys haven't exactly been enthusiastic about finding out anything more about them. Shouldn't we be calling La Push to see if they know something?"

"Edward, I doubt they know anything. I highly doubt that anyone there will be forthcoming with much needed information. The way we left, what we left behind, will not hold favor for us in their eyes. They won't help out their number one enemy. And right now we really need to focus on finding our Bella, okay?"

Carlisle's reasoning didn't sit well with me.

In what seemed like a haze, I slowly sat down on the couch facing the table that most of the family was standing around. I looked on at my family, watching them with their rapid gestures and fast talk, my mind infiltrated with every thought, and yet, I sat silent. I couldn't bring myself to offer suggestions. With so much going through my mind, I couldn't even think.

_Maybe I should head to the police station to see when Charlie was last in._

_Someone should check out the High School and Bella's locker._

_I still think we should canvas more of the town. A whole town can't just disappear, they have to be somewhere._

_The hospital seems like a good place to start. Look into Charlie's and Bella's medical records, see if anything new is on there, or recent visits. _

_This house seems so oddly empty without the human. _

I let out a sigh, my elbows touched my knees as I leaned forward and stared at the floor, zoning in and out on my family members' thoughts. I felt very isolated. Like I was here, but not really, kind of half in this world and in another.

"Charlotte! I hope I am not catching you at a bad time, but I hope that maybe you can help." Jasper's voice pierced my thoughts as I looked up and noticed the phone he was on. I went back to staring at the floor as I let his voice drown out as he told the person on the phone what was going on. "If you could, maybe keep an eye out for another vampire. Victoria, she is nomad. It would be very much appreciated." I didn't listen to the goodbyes or the dial tone.

"Well, at least we have some contacts looking for her. I wouldn't put it past her to try and get to Bella after all that happened down in Phoenix." Carlisle said, his voice sounded muddled.

I felt the couch dip down in weight as I smelled Esme close to me, my eyes closed as she ran her fingers gently through my hair, soothing me as only a mother could.

"You know, my dear, all I ever wanted for you was for you to find your happiness, your place in this world. That is all a parent really wants for their child. And you are mine, just as the rest of your siblings are. I very much think of Bella as my daughter as well. I want her home just as much as you do. You know, you radiated so much happiness whenever you brought her home to us. It shined in your eyes, melted in your smile. She brought out a part of you that none of us could. I want to see that brightness back in you again."

"Thank you, Mom." I sat there, laid my head on her shoulder as I allowed her to comfort me. I finally looked up and around the room, noticing that my siblings were all gone, only Carlisle remained behind. He held his cell phone in his hand as he waited. Our eyes met when he noticed I was looking at him. _It's going to be all right, son._

A short time later his phone rang, Alice's voice came through clearly. "It's the same date, Carlisle. October 17th. That is the last day Charlie clocked in to work. Everything looks normal here, too. Not at all like how we found the house. Nothing is strewn about, or looks like people left in a hurry, it is just empty. I am going to leave the station, and head on through the town. I will call again if I find anything else."

Carlisle closed his phone, his eyes sad as he allowed a moment of worry to flash through them. _Now is not the time to worry. Must be strong_. Usually, Carlisle was quick to stop thoughts like this from hitting me, but this time it did. Only I didn't worry, I hung on to hope.

I _had _to hope that we would find her, that she was out there, and somewhere close. That she was thinking of me, just as I was her.

It grew darker in the house as we continued to wait for my other siblings to check in with us. I paced and tugged at my hair as the guilt consumed me. I should have been out there doing what my siblings were doing instead of staying behind as I waited.

"Keep going back and forth, Edward, and you are going to wear a hole in my floor," Esme scolded me.

I mumbled a 'sorry', and sat down again. My knee began to bounce as I grew more anxious as time passed.

Carlisle's phone went off, he quickly answered, " Yes, Emmett?"

Emmett let out a long sigh. "Everything seems normal at the school. Well, besides no students. It's clean but empty. Again, October 17th is the last date I am seeing on pretty much everything around here. Attendance, homework, the teachers white boards. I am done at the school, on my way back home."

"Thank you, son"

_Why was October 17th such an important date? _I pondered. There was something about that date, besides its reappearance that kept nagging at me. It held some sort of major significance to me, but I couldn't place it, couldn't remember why it was important to me. The date left me unsettled as I continued to pace frantically around the room as I kept trying to remember what was so special about that date. It was like _I had to know. Deep down, I had to know._

I hadn't come up with anything about that 17th when Rosalie walked in through the door, flashes of the town played through her mind as she came and sat down in the chair next to the sofa.

Her eyes glued to Carlisle, "I found nothing throughout the town, and pretty much covered every inch of it and still found nothing. I carefully entered a few empty houses and checked for anyone residing there. Came up empty there as well. I did glance at the mail, calendars, anything that could give me any clues. The month of October seems to be the stopping point throughout the town.

Carlisle nodded, his hands deep in his pockets as he stared out the front window as he pondered just what I had about the significance of October 17th, and he, too, came up empty.

"Well, I am afraid to say that all that is left that we can search is the hospital records, and seeing as how I have no authority there since we moved, I will need Jasper to hack into the database, which he should be doing right about now."

Alice was the next through the door with nothing new to report. She had done another sweep of the town after she left the police station. She had hoped to maybe find something Rosalie possibly would've missed when she did her sweep, but had come up with nothing, just as Rosalie had.

As my shoulders slumped under the weight of the past few hours, Jasper handed off his laptop to Carlisle. He had successfully hacked into the hospitals medical records. We were lucky in the fact that Forks General had updated to electronic records recently, which made it a lot easier for Jasper to gain access to what we needed.

"Well, I got into Bella's first, Carlisle." Jasper said as he looked at the computer screen over Carlisle's shoulder. He tapped a few keys to bring up the pages holding Bella's information first. I watched as Carlisle moved the cursor over as he read, nothing of importance coming up from what I could see through Carlisle.

"As you can see Carlisle, Bella hasn't had a visit after we left. The last time she was here was the accident with Tyler's van." Jasper then clicked a the mouse in order to bring up Charlie's records, and it was the same for him. No recent visits either, and nothing glaringly out of sorts in his records that could give us any clue as to where to go from here.

I let out a long sigh, my fingers moving through my hair as they tugged it in frustration. We were getting nowhere, and that brought on a whole new feeling helplessness.

"Son, why don't you get out of the house for a bit and go hunting. Take a run and clear your mind. There isn't much we can do right now. But maybe if you hunt, you will get some new thoughts and feel stronger." Carlisle looked at me, his eyes soft and full of love.

I nodded and stood up. I was too keyed up to stay inside, and maybe some time by myself away from the family, not that I had spent so much time with them lately, would do me some good.

I needed quiet, and maybe something would come to me.

The front door slammed shut after me as I ran at a full sprint towards the forest. The greens and browns became nothing but a blur as I ran with no clear destination in mind.

A small, quick heartbeat infiltrated my ears as I took off into a run, going east instead of North I had headed in when I first left the house. I came upon a deer in a small clearing and launched, quickly wrapped my arms around her as I snapped her neck and placed my lips at her neck and drank until she had no more to give.

I wiped my mouth and closed my eyes as I breathed in deeply. My mind slowly emptied of the clutter and all my thoughts, and just focused on Bella and everything leading up to now.

And then I smelled it. It was faint, but it was there.

Strawberries.

Freesia.

_Bella._

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**I look forward to your thoughts! **

**Thank you to each and everyone of you that reads, favorites, follows and reviews. It truly means a lot to me.**


	18. Chapter 17

**Another update, and we are getting close, very close to all the answers. I hope you stick with me. The next 3 chapters I have written, just need to get them to the beta. I plan to post those ones one after the other. Then after that, it is about 6 chapters left, give or take, and an epilogue.**

**Thank you to Darcysmom for betaing, and Angelcdevil for comments. I also can't thank you guys enough for reading, reviewing, favoriting and following this little story of mine. It really means a lot to me. **

**Enjoy!**

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Freesia.

Bella.

Strawberries.

_Bella._

I ran. I ran as fast as my legs could take me, inhaling as deep as my lungs allowed.

The wind shifted, but the scent stayed with me. It grew stronger the faster I pumped my legs. I breathed in, letting the scent burn my insides, marking me, reminding me of her, of us. Of everything. Her scent, that first whiff I got when she entered the Biology room that fateful day, every night that I stood outside her window before entering her room as she slept through the night. All the times that we spent in our meadow, every time that she came out of her house in the morning to ride with me to school. Her scent was embedded in my soul.

Her heartbeat. _Oh god,_ her heartbeat. I knew that the moment that I heard it again would be divine music to my ears.

I needed it.

I _craved_ it.

I continued to run, turning west again as the wind shifted and brought a stronger scent to lure me. I hoped it was bringing me closer to her.

As the wind died down, I stopped in the middle of a clearing. It wasn't our meadow. This clearing was cold, empty and lifeless. It held nothing for me. I fell to my knees as her scent began to dissipate, the wind no longer bringing it to me.

I sunk to the ground and let out a guttural scream. I tugged at my hair, my eyes searched every bit of that meadow, for anything and everything.

She wasn't here.

The wind and her scent brought me here. To nothing. The wind lead me on a false expedition and gave me the false hope that I would find my needed treasure.

I stood up and spun around, my eyes darting every which way for any sign of her or her scent. I wasn't going to give up this time. 'No' isn't something I am going to take this time. There will be no stopping for me, no rest until I found her this time.

No more disappointment. I am going to find her, come hell or high water. I am not returning to home without her. It all stops now.

I paced that clearing, stopping every few steps to breathe in as deep as I could, hoping that I could pick up her scent again, or somehow, miraculously hear her heartbeat.

_Anything._

I needed my hope back.

My eyes wandered over every piece of that clearing, my eyesight didn't seem so exceptional to me then. It wasn't helping me to find the one thing that I needed to find.

I searched over every tree, every blade of grass, every flower.

It was one tiny dot that tilted my world.

Blood.

One tiny drop of blood.

I rushed over, ran my finger on the droplet. It was still wet, recent. I brought it up to my nose and inhaled so deeply that it caused my knees to give out.

It was her.

I brought my finger to my mouth, sucked the tiny droplet of blood off my finger and let the taste of her blood move over my tongue.

It was divine. Heaven.

As I swallowed, I felt a piece of myself being cinched together. It felt right and perfect.

My ringing phone interrupted my basking in the taste of her. I had found something, and my chest felt lighter, happier.

"I found something," I whispered quietly into the phone, for some reason not wanting to disturb the quietness of the clearing, as if it would unsettle something, and take away what I found. "A drop of blood. Her blood. It tasted like the sweetest heaven."

"Son? Are you okay? Where are you?"

"A clearing. I think I am north of Forks, outside of Sequim Bay. I found her blood Carlisle! Her blood!"

Carlisle took a sharp intake of breath. "Stay there, we're on our way."

So, I waited. I figured that with my family we could cover a wider range of area, and deep down inside I knew that I would find her today.

Today would be the day. I was excited, but scared at the same time. Would she be the same? Would she still love me? Could she forgive me? Was she hurt? Could I fix her if I needed to? A million questions flashed through my mind, and I didn't have a single possible answer for any of them.

It didn't take long for my family to join me. Carlisle was the first one I saw come through the treeline, and seeing him, my father figure, gave me a feeling that despite the what if's , I'd be able to face anything from here on out.

We discussed a plan of action. We would pair off, going every which way. I would stay with Esme and Carlisle. Emmett and Rose would head west toward the coast, while Alice and Jasper would retrace my foot steps. Carlisle, Esme and I would search Sequim. She had to be close.

After what felt like hours, we finally came across a trail of droplets of her blood. We followed, careful not to step on a single one, just in case we needed to retrace our steps.

Her scent had grown stronger the further we walked and then eventually a faint heartbeat joined the mix.

We came upon a cave, a small cave with a wide opening. As we walked closer, I saw a small body, the scent of it hitting me square in the chest.

I'd found her!

I walked closer and noticed how much blood she had lost. She laid motionless, her chest rose slowly, bringing in shallow breaths. Her right leg was bent at an odd angle, most likely broken, blood came from her head, arms and neck. Her wrist held the same crescent shaped scar from her attack from James.

I watched her, breathing her in, listening to her heart falter every few beats as I fell to the ground on my knees, almost in a supplicant prayer position. Tearless sobs racked through me, splintering me wide open. I hurt when she hurt. I felt helpless as I looked over her body and took in her injuries. I whispered to myself that I needed her to be okay, and that I just needed her. I needed my air, my soul, my heart.

I began to crawl toward her as I continued to whisper to myself that I could hear her heartbeat. That it was faint, but it's there. I could hear her take in a breath, so I knew she was alive. Once I reached her, my finger ran down her face, and it felt so real that it amazed me that I was actually touching her after all this time. It felt like an endless forever stuck in a hell I couldn't get out of.

She turned her head, her eyes widened as she whispered to me, "Edward, I love you, I've always loved you."

My sobs became harsher, gut wrenching. I touched her face as softly as I could, trying not to hurt her. "Oh, Bella. I am here, sweet girl." I went to grab her, but she let out a scream, her body shook violently due to shock and pain. I gently laid her back down, afraid to move her. I didn't want to hurt her.

She began to cry, tears fell slowly down her face as I tried to wipe them away. A sob escaped her, causing her to take a sharp intake of breath due to pain.

"Are you really here, Edward? Is it really you?"

I nodded, and held my own sob inside me.

As I stared into her brown eyes that I had missed since I'd been gone, a voice broke through. "You were never meant to have her. You never should have had her. She's human, a lowly human."

I didn't acknowledge the vampire I could sense before all chaos broke out.

All I could do was remain crouched by Bella, protecting her this one time, unlike all the other times when I felt I had failed.

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**So, my lovelies, I look forward to your thoughts and theories. Always the theories. ;)**

**Thank you for reading! **


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